Album Review: Thank You by Meghan Trainor

This is gonna hurt. This is gonna hurt bad. I don't wanna do this. Actually no one's forcing me to do this, I don't have to do this. ... I'm gonna do this. Yeah. Gonna do this. Do your worst, Meghan Meghans. ... Wait, I didn't mean it. Crap!


1. Watch Me Do
OH GREAT IT STARTS OUT ON THE WRONG FOOT. Someone, for the love of god, tell Meghan Meghans to STOP rapping! I can't even appreciate the funk parts of this because the writing is SO BAD! I'm gonna cry. I need to make sure I'm gonna make it through this...

2. Me Too
This is basically a will.i.am song with Meghan being a self-centered t**t. Oh god, it's horrible. And I made the conscious decision to listen to this before hearing the full album. Why did I do that? STOP.

3. NO
Ah yes, the first signs that this album was gonna hurt, and that it was gonna hurt hard. Meghan, this style of music does not work for you. This kind of message in a song does not work for you. And you know what the worst part is? It's the best song so far. I'm dead serious.

4. Better (ft. Yo Gotti)
Oh this feels like a breath of fresh air after the first three songs. It's calmer and Meghan actually sounds tolerable right now. But ho boy, "I deserve better than you?" C'mon. It's also painful to hear Yogurt so whipped. His flow keeps stopping in awkward places and there's no fire to his verse. Talk about a waste.

5. Hopeless Romantic
Acoustic guitar ballad. It almost sounds like Like I'm Gonna Lose You 2.0. Also you ever think that you're a hopeless romantic because YOU CHASE BOYS AWAY? YOU THINK THAT? I need to stop with the all caps, sorry. This one is, uh, tolerable, if only because it isn't obnoxious.

6. I Love Me (ft. Lunchmoney Lewis)
Yes, LML, save me! Bass is actually a nice touch. But I dunno, something seems to be...missing. Uh yeah, Meghan is performing. And it's pretty narcissistic. But to be fair, it's probably the best so far. I feel like Lewis on his own would be much better though.

7. Kindly Calm Me Down
I don't understand the science of piano ballads and what makes some boring and some emotional. All I know is that this is leaning toward the former. No amount of synthetic percussion is going to change that. I feel nothing listening to this.

8. Woman Up
Oh it's another feminist song. How's she gonna mess this up? Oh, don't need a man. THREE TRACKS AGO YOU JUST SAID...Okay, I don't usually care about cohesion of themes in an album, but come the hell on. The song itself is mediocre. Instrumental has potential, but just give it to Rihanna or something please.

9. Just a Friend to You
Meghan I do not care if you're being friendzoned. You're just switching back and forth with what you want. Is that supposed to be symbolic of a certain female stereotype? Anyway, boring ukulele song. I should be complaining about the downtempo stuff probably, but when the alternative is obnoxious, whatever.

10. I Won't Let You Down
Now you're in a relationship but you're bad at it. So that's another inconsistency. Also this instrumentation is just bland. It's trying to have style and personality but it doesn't have either. There's no passion that a song like this should have.

11. Dance Like Yo Daddy
When you see a song title and know right away that it is gonna hurt. And my prediction was spot freaking on. Meghan rapping, irritating horn music. This feels a lot like Lips Are Moving. Now I wonder why I ever liked that song...

12. Champagne Problems
Okay for some reason I was expecting Fetty Wap to shout "1738!" in the beginning. Also Champaign Problems is right alright, because I need a freaking drink right now. Complaining about first world problems with flat horns and drums. ffs

Final Verdict: Burn this. If this album told me anything, it's confirming what I already suspected: Meghan Trainor is one of the worst popstars currently working. The transition from doo wap to whatever you call this did not work in the slightest, and in fact I think it hurt her overall. The material on this album ranges from obnoxious to flat, and it's all badly written. Meghan's themes and mindset change on a dime, making this whole thing feel incredibly inconsistent. Some of the stuff on this was even worse than Dear Future Husband, and I didn't even think that was possible.

Rating: 1/10
Best song: I Love Me
Worst songs: Watch Me Do, Me Too, NO, Dance Like Yo Daddy, Hopeless Romantic, Just a Friend to You