Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2012

From what I've heard on the internet, 2012 is considered one of the best years for music in recent memory. A lot of songs seemed to come out of nowhere and defied logical explanation as to why they were so huge. Well actually I imagine Glee was part of the reason. And YouTube virality. And looking through the year end list, it's hard to complain, what with the indie rock and country being a lot better than in succeeding years. Okay, there are a few things to complain about, but not a lot. Seriously, this year was so good, if I were to make this a Top 20 list, I wouldn't be able to fill it because I don't even hate that many songs from the year. I don't know what's gonna be harder at this point, choosing ten out of eighteen songs as the worst of 2012, or narrowing down a list of 60 songs I did like to a smaller 10. There were more songs from 2012 I thought were either mediocre or okay than I outright hated. But, no year is without blemish. Let's get the bad stuff out of the way already.

As with my other lists, I'm only including songs that debuted on the Year End 100 in 2012. No holdovers from 2011 are allowed. Let's dig in.

Number 10

I don't usually like to say that songs are dated, especially if they just came out a few years ago, but...I'm not sure I could think of any other word to describe this song. Maybe incompetent. Yeah, incompetently dated.

Cashin' Out

Ca$h Out

It's My Time

#92 on Year End 100

This song is almost hilarious in its incompetence. Rappers trying to assert themselves as the next big thing when no one's ever heard of them isn't new, but it rarely turns out well either. And when the artist becomes a one hit wonder regardless, that makes it even more embarrassing in hindsight. Seriously, does anyone even remember this song? I sure as hell didn't. What it reminds me of most is rap in 2007, specifically Soulja Boy and MIMS. Seriously, listen to this back to back with Crank Dat, you hear a lot of similarities, specifically with the steel drum-esque beat. And there's really not a lot else to the song. Standard rap clichés about spending money and doing drugs. Also it drops the names of random women in the chorus while giving the listener no context as to who they are or why they matter. I mean I assume they're supposed to be "hoes," but that's about it. This isn't the kind of rap song that makes me angry, it's the kind that makes me try to stifle laughter in disbelief. It's just an incompetent and disposable mess. Did this kid really think he would become the next big thing? Again, maybe in 2007, but not anymore. Pfft.

Number 9

The mid-2010's have been a bit of a weird time for child stars. We've seen a bunch of them make a change and make much more adult music. And while that doesn't always work, I can at least say that most former child stars gone adult pop stars carved out relatable identities for themselves. Yes, even Miley Cyrus. And then you have Selena Gomez...

Love You Like A Love Song

Selena Gomez & the Scene

When The Sun Goes Down

#83 on Year End 100

Look, I don't think I even hate Selena Gomez as much as others do, but compared to Demi Lovato and Ariana Grande, it's much easier to find what doesn't work about Gomez's music. I know this song was from when she was still a Disney star, but it's still a highlight of her biggest weakness, even today: she puts no emotion or personality into her performances. Love You Like A Love Song is a meaningless statement that has no weight behind it because Gomez doesn't try to make it mean anything. Sara Bareilles' Love Song from 2007 (guess that's gonna be a running theme in this list) essentially explains why this is an empty statement. If you need to rely on a love song to do all the talking and loving for you, there's something wrong with the relationship and you need to end it. Of course the production's not much better. Flat instrumentation that for some reason kicks the bass up pretty high during the chorus. I'm having The Hills flashbacks. And this isn't all to say that there aren't Selena Gomez songs I enjoy. I like The Heart Wants What It Wants and Same Old Love. But this? Yeah, I think we could've done without this. This is just useless and kinda vapid.

Number 8

So, you still okay with talking about Justin Bieber? Yeah, I swear every year he's had a hit, I find it bad enough that it ends up on one of these things. And it's not like I even plan this. In fact I haven't even gotten to the years where hatred of the guy was at its peak. In a way I guess it showcases that his pre-puberty voice wasn't the only thing wrong with him. That said, the other problems are harder to pin down. I think I got it now, though. Nowadays his problem is that he's a bland yet aggressively douchey performer. But before then, his problem was always that he tried hard to be something that he's not. And unfortunately, in 2012, this issue lead him to mistakenly thinking that he could be a rapper.

Boyfriend

Justin Bieber

Believe

#28 on Year End 100

As odd as it sounds, I feel this song is under-hated nowadays. Whenever people bring up bad Bieber tunes from 2012, they usually bring up As Long As You Love Me. Yeah, that song's bad too, but at least it was bad in a hilarious way. Boyfriend is just sad. Bieber gives these whisper-rap verses that try to build him up as suave and a real ladies' man, but it's more embarrassing than anything. If you had no pre-conceived notions of this guy, you'd only really be interested in hooking up with him if you were looking for a guy with his own fondue kit and who takes Toy Story too seriously. Everything in this song is too empty, from the minimalist percussion beat of the verses to the stiffness of the chorus and bridge. It's more depressing to listen to than it is annoying. At this point in his life, Justin was 18, and it was clear at this point in his career he was trying to shake off the kiddy stigma he had accumulated during the late 00s. Unfortunately for him, it opened him up to a slew of other problems, and I'm not just talking about the reckless driving and lack of filter. Still he was trying to come off as sexier than he could reasonably pull off, and while it was just embarrassing just a couple years earlier, in 2012 it was both embarrassing and uncomfortable. I'd still take this over Baby or Eenie Meenie or One Time any day, but his transition into adulthood wasn't exactly quality. Baby steps, I suppose.

Number 7

Back in 2012 I wanted this artist to just go away. Nowadays I like a lot of their recent output. Funny how that can change in just a few short years. But, like I said in my 2013 list, just because my opinion's changed on an artist doesn't mean I'm immediately on board with everything they ever recorded. Case in point...

We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together

Taylor Swift

Red

#33 on Year End 100

If 1989 was an example of the genuine chops Taylor Swift has as a pop artist, Red feels like an uncomfortable transitional period. This period in her career was where I felt the criticism for her personal life was at its peak. And this song could have easily been considered the catalyst for it all. Though Taylor began her career in music in her teenage years, I don't think I could name a more immature song she's ever performed. And that's despite the fact that Taylor was in her 20s when she wrote this. Rubbing in the fact that your ex has zero chance of getting back together with you makes my skin crawl. And it's not even the fact that it's kinda mean, it's more the fact that it's meaningless. Isn't the point of a breakup to put an end to a relationship you don't see working out? I'd almost take one of Chris Brown's ugly kiss-off tracks. ... Okay that was too far and not at all true. This was also at a point where Taylor was still not quite ready to shake off (heh) her country origins, so most of the instrumentation is acoustic guitar. Admitted it's not bad. It certainly saves this song from being much higher on the list. But regardless, Taylor's mean girl attitude throughout this makes me cringe. It's the sort of self-serving action you'd do to try and get the last laugh, and it gave the general public ammunition to tease Taylor Swift about her love life. Even if she was going for satire, she failed. This isn't funny, it's just annoying.

Number 6

The year is 2012. A year full of fresh new memes. Kony 2012, Grumpy Cat, Call Me Maybe, McKayla is not impressed, etc. Good stuff. (Imagine I said that last sentence sarcastically.) But wait, there's one big one I'm missing, isn't there? Hmmm...

The Motto

Drake ft. Lil Wayne & Tyga

Take Care

#20 on Year End 100

This song is mostly attributed to starting the cultural phenomenon that is YOLO or "You Only Live Once." To me that phrase is the pinnacle of douchiness and stupidity, but mostly of ironic tweeting. Kind of an unnecessary history lesson, I know, but that's literally all this song is known for. I hadn't even heard the actual song until years later. Let me be clear that this song isn't on the list just for popularizing the phrase YOLO, but because it is boring. Flat, bass heavy beat; none of the three men behind the mic contribute anything meaningful either lyrically or in their performances. There were a couple clever lines here and there, but not enough to keep this song from feeling like a chore to listen through. And there's really not much else to say. The fact that it spawned a meme really is the most interesting thing that can be said about it. And when that's the case, you know you've really screwed up.

Number 5

Instead of trying to introduce this song myself, I'm gonna take the easy way out and put this up:

I feel your pain, Spears.

Drunk On You

Luke Bryan

Tailgates & Tanlines

#53 on Year End 100

Turns out even before 2013, Luke Bryan wasn't immune to being one of the worst things about country music. I was kinda pleasantly surprised that I Don't Want This Night To End wasn't that bad, and then I got to this. Yep. Luke Bryan sleazing it up again. Nothing more romantic than spewing out country clichés then telling a girl she makes the guys go "mm-hmm." This song feels like a joke. Ballads are supposed to be where country music shines best, but for Luke Bryan it's where he's at his absolute worst. Even Cole Swindell was able to show you how it's done in You Should Be Here. Which by the way has grown on me immensely since I first heard it. Every time Bryan turns it down though, with the possible exception of Strip It Down, it feels like he tries to be even more meatheaded than usual. Plus he also uses the tired comparison between love and being high or drunk. Even in 2012, that feels like that should've been dead. And unfortunately, if I wanna keep going back in time through these lists, I'm not gonna be free of this guy. His biggest hit in 2011 was Country Girl (Shake It For Me). I have no idea what it sounds like, but judging by the title alone, I'm not looking forward to it. Sigh.

Number 4

Whether you like it or not, David Guetta is one of the biggest producers of the decade. He's behind a lot of hits, including three this year. And I think I can honestly say that I don't hate him. He might not strike out every time, but he can make good stuff occasionally. But in general, I struggle to say that I hate a song from him. This, however, is an exception.

Turn Me On

David Guetta ft. Nicki Minaj

Nothing but the Beat

#35 on Year End 100

The most common criticism I hear about David Guetta is that he sucks the personality out of his vocalists. Kinda like M. Night Shyamalan. That's not really a criticism I agreed with...until this song happened. In some ways, though, I think Nicki is the weak link here. Particularly the vocal effects that almost make her sound like a chipmunk during the chorus. Her material in general is just weak, too. Vague nothings about being brought back to life. People give Shawn Mendes crap for that line in Stitches, but this is much worse. It's a waste of Nicki Minaj. Okay, she does get to rap a bit, but it's over as soon as it starts. Besides, it's unimpressive, especially when she literally has to stutter to make her bars fit the beat. Even diehard fans had to have felt gypped. Overall, this is a useless song, and I could only see the biggest David Guetta fans getting anything out of it. If it weren't for Nicki, this just would've sounded just like any other David Guetta song.

Number 3

Let's just say, if the most memorable part of your song is the name of a cereal, reconsider the existence of your song.

Brokenhearted

Karmin

Hello

#59 on Year-End 100

This song surprised me with how much I hated it. In hearing a couple seconds of it before, I assumed it wouldn't be that bad, but...yeah. Everything about this song is so obnoxious. From the over-produced yet bland guitar riff to the random sing-rap things from Amy Heidemann. Sorry, but you're not Ke$ha, and you can't pull that off. And, there's really not much else of note to point out. It's just an obnoxious pick-up song probably set at a bar, I don't know. the only other thing I can think to point out is that "cheerio" thing she says at the end of every chorus. It adds nothing, it comes out of nowhere, and it's annoying. Especially the first time she does it, and then every other time it's said without any emotion. Overall, this song is just weightless, emotionless, and a waste of my time. Next.

Number 2

Well, this song and artist seem to have completely disappeared. Good.

Want U Back

Cher Lloyd

Sticks and Stones

#55 on Year End 100

Knowing that this song exists makes me feel like I was way too harsh on Call Me Maybe when it was big. Sure, it was immature, but it was artfully immature. This, however, is immature in all the wrong ways. Cher Lloyd presents herself as a horrible person, feeling the need to have total control over her ex-boyfriend's life even after she dumped him. She also wants to get back with him out of jealousy. How romantic. And yeah, you could argue that's the point, and it's not supposed to present a pleasant sentiment. But whereas I can other artists who present themselves as manipulative like Elle King, Lloyd doesn't have the charisma to make the listener root for the bad guy. In fact, the UK version of the song with Astro doesn't make you want to root for anyone. Something about the obnoxious inflection of her vocals along with the "uhh!" sound she makes at the end of every couple lines just makes me cringe. The instrumentation's just irritating too. Those overly-sugary synths that play throughout, the bass that fades in and out with every note like it's a Calvin Harris song, it's all a mess. But it doesn't even stand out against Cher Lloyd's casual bitchiness. The best thing I can say about this is that Lloyd's relevance in the US since is greatly diminished. It's almost like this song's awfulness created a silent backlash. The only other time she's made a splash in the Hot 100 is on Demi Lovato's Really Don't Care, but honestly, who even cares about that song anymore? So long, Cher Lloyd. We hardly knew thee. But because of this single, we still knew too much.

And now, a few dishonorable mentions.

Back In Time

Pitbull

Men in Black 3 (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack)

#65 on Year End 100

This is the one Pitbull song I think really is as bad as people say. The sample on the chorus saves this song from the list, but other than that, this is a mess. Different parts just happen for no reason, Pitbull is incredibly unfocused lyrically. This song just gets old fast.

Rack City

Tyga

Careless World: Rise of the Last King

#45 on Year End 100

Boooooooooooring...

What Makes You Beautiful

One Direction

Up All Night

#10 on Year End 100

Nowadays I don't think One Direction is even that bad. I'd even go as far as to say I've enjoyed a few of their songs. But...this was manipulative and stupid back then, and time hasn't changed much.

Wild Ones

Flo Rida ft. Sia

Wild Ones

#11 on Year End 100

You may have been wondering "Where's Whistle?" when reading through this, since that seems to make everyone's worst of 2012 list. Yeah, sorry, not making the cut. This however...ugh. At least Sia's trying, but the bass during the verses and Flo Rida being such a non-presence makes this song worse than Whistle to me.

Whistle

Flo Rida

Wild Ones

#17 on Year End 100

...of course Whistle still sucks. A lot.

Starships

Nicki Minaj

Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded

#9 on Year End 100

First couple times I didn't really mind this song so much. But then I realized just how annoying everything was. This is just a worse version of Pound The Alarm through and through. Next!

Drive By

Train

California 37

#19 on Year End 100

Not quite as bad as Hey Soul Sister, but it's enough to make me question why we even still need Train in the 2010s. Pat Monahan is just not a very good songwriter. At all.

As Long As You Love Me

Justin Bieber ft. Big Sean

Believe

#34 on Year End 100

Did anyone even take this song seriously four years ago? I really hope not...

Alright, that's seventeen down. Let's conclude this with...

Number 1

Every Worst of 2012 list I have seen thus far has included this song somewhere near the top. And, well, it deserves it. I may be screaming into an empty void in ranting about how awful this song is, but, well, that's honestly my opinion. It's rare to find a song that everyone seems to have a strong negative opinion about, but usually it's for a good reason. Because even three years later, it's important to remember just how bad an idea this song was. Rihanna, you should have know better.

Birthday Cake (Remix)

Rihanna ft. Chris Brown

Talk That Talk

#79 on Year End 100

Yeah, like I said, I don't think I'm gonna blow anyone's mind when I say this song is wretched. The combination of Rihanna and Chris Brown is already questionable enough, but that's only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to problems with this song. The beat is fronted by this creepy, pounding bass that makes me feel like I need ibuprofen. Yes, I take ibuprofen instead of aspirin. Rihanna's performance is one of her worst, sing-talking the word "cake" over and over again in the most monotone way possible, and the verses don't get much better. Plus the lyrics are about as uncomfortable as they get, with cake metaphors that feel incredibly forced and wrong when you consider the guest artist. The reality of Chris Brown's assault in 2009 makes this incredibly hard to listen to and stomach. At this point in both their careers, you'd think this is something they'd both want to put behind them, but even if that never happened, I'd still hate this. To be fair, this song didn't originally feature Brown, but it's still questionable that Rihanna would ever choose to write and record something like this. This is easily the worst song I've heard from Rihanna. But the sad thing is that Chris has done even worse. It's been nearly four years since this came out, but it feels like this song has already earned its legacy as one of the worst songs of all time. And the worst hit song of 2012.

Best List will be coming soon. But like I said, it's gonna be hard to condense my picks. Look forward to it.